


You Never Know | The Misfits | Fitz

by VagabondWocky



Category: Goodguyfitz, The Misfits (Podcast)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 18,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26288965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VagabondWocky/pseuds/VagabondWocky
Summary: When the crew end up playing a couple games with a nihilistic girl they definitely include the footage in a couple videos. The only problem they encounter? The fans wanting more.//This fic is also posted on Wattpad (by me I'm not stealing my own work- or maybe I am lol) I'm going to work on moving most of my fics over to this site, but I figured I'd start with my most popular one.
Relationships: Fitz/OC
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. The Meeting

@TheNil: I put myself in time out, time to play some games

~

"Looks like we'll be queued up with two randoms unless you guys want to wait another half hour for swagger," Cam stretches a bit, knowing the answer already.

"Nah, what's the point of waiting. We should be able to finish a game in that time," Toby points out and Mason mumbles in agreement.

"Alright boys here we go then," Cam adjusts his headset and starts the queue, surprised when they get right into a game.

"I'm first in game cunts take that!" Mason cheers as he loads in first. The rest of the team loads in shortly after and they look at the display names.

"Sad Boy and Nihilistic Girl? We matched ourselves with a duo, who-" Toby starts to ask who wants to talk to them but Mason was already chatting in game, same as Cam.

"Why are you called sad boy?" Cam asks.

"Because I have fucking depression mate, I cry myself to sleep every night," the guy says in game.

"I... I understand that. Very fitting name sir. And why are you called nihilistic girl?" Cam turns his avatar in game to look at her.

"Because nothing matters." She says before running off in the direction of A.

"Oh my god it's actually a girl!" Mason yells in the discord call.

"Are you okay nihilistic girl? Your voice sounds like you've seen some shit." Toby comments.

"Oh I've seen shit, but it doesn't really affect me. Are you okay?" She throws back at him.

"Uh... yeah?" Toby chuckles a response.

The warmup ended and they learned that the two weren't actually queued together. They also learned that nihilistic girl was legendary eagle master while sad boy was only gold nova one.

"It's probably because no ones ever online at these hours playing csgo," Cam had offered and everyone didn't care enough to push the matter.

After half time, and being carried by nihilistic girl, the guys invited her to discord and she joined it quickly before the next half started.

"Why is your name on discord 'Nil'," Mason asks.

"Nil is the null. It means it isn't an object. First round we all get deagles?" She replies with a question.

"I'm down," Toby shrugs and Cam also agrees.

They ended up winning that game, no surprise to them since they had Nil carrying them. They finish and are thrown into a lobby where Cam invites Nil and she joins because she has nothing better to do.

"So Nil, what's your real name?" Cam asks, trying to make conversation.

"She won't just tell us that, we should introduce ourselves first!" Toby points out.

"I'm Mason!" Mason introduces himself.

"I'm Cameron but you can call me Cam, and JohnOnTheRadio you can call John or Toby," Cam introduces himself and Toby.

"Nice to meet you guys I suppose. I go by Nil so take that as you will-" Nil starts explaining but Swagger joins the discord with a scream.

"Swagger swagger calm down can't you see we've got a guest?" Cam laughs.

"Sorry, as I hit the connect button I spilled my gatorade." Swagger sighs as he uses a towel to wipe his desk.

"Nil this is Swagger, Swagger this is Nil. She's a LEM and she's funny as fuck," Toby introduces them.

"Oh I see, I couldn't be here so you guys replaced me with a girl nonetheless!" Swagger laughs and they all join in.

"Are you guys famous youtubers or something?" Nil asks as swagger joins the lobby.

"What?" Swagger asks, surprised she didn't recognize a single one of them.

"You don't know?" Masons surprised voice joins swaggers.

"I'm not looking for judgment, I'm looking for a yes or no," She shakes her head, knowing they can't see her.

"We're all youtubers, cams got 3 million subscribers," Toby explains.

"Oh that's pretty cool. Sorry I didn't know, I don't really watch YouTube. You guys just had very announcer like voices so I assumed." Nil explains.

Mason and Nil carried the next game, Nil still carrying the most. Needless to say they all cracked a lot of jokes but Nil's unending nihilistic responses to the jokes made the guys die of laughter every time.

They all ended up adding her and Cam even got her number while the rest of the guys followed her Instagram. They weren't sure if they'd play with her again but they definitely would talk to her again.


	2. Streamers

@TheNil: the only thing you guys comment about now is that I used those guys for fame lol  
-  
@TobyOnTheTele: looking gorgeous girl, don't let people get you down!  
@User1: ew she even has some of them liking and commenting on her posts too  
@GoodGuyFitz: we should play again  
@TheMasonBradford: ^you only say that so you can put 'girl' in your video title again  
@User2: I love your aesthetic, please post more  
~  
"Guess who just texted me asking if she could come play fortnite with us," Cam says, grabbing John and Mason's attention.

"Oh is it Nil! I didn't get to meet her last time dude," John says as he changes his skin to the Viking.

"Aw fuck dude I bet she's really good at fortnite, you should've seen her play csgo," Mason sighs, knowing he was about to be carried despite his skill.

"Hey," Nil says softly as she joins the discord lobby.

"Nil this is John, John this is Nil," Cam introduces John.

"I guess it's a good thing I call Toby by his actual name or it might have gotten confusing. I was looking a bit into some of your guys' channels and I saw he rebranded recently too." Nil says with a small chuckle.

"My stream is blowing up because you're back, they're asking for your Instagram." Cam comments, looking through everyone freaking out in chat.

"If they're really interested it's @TheNil, but I don't just want people to follow me because I'm playing with you guys. I really only post now when I go on walk abouts," she explains.

"Oh your profile is super pleasing to look at," John says as he scrolls through her page which he had brought up on one of his monitors before following her.

"What's a walk about?" Mason asks.

"I just kind of get up and walk somewhere. A lot of times I'll get on a bus and take it a random amounts of stops and then I'll just go from there," she explains, quietly thinking about going on another one.

"Isn't that super dangerous?" John blows out a vape.

"I guess. Doesn't really matter," she shrugs.

"Everyone in chat is saying that's super fucking dangerous and you shouldn't be doing that," Cam points out, getting worried.

"Yeah well everyone in chat isn't in a position of power over me. No one is. I can decide what to do in my free time, are we gonna kick ass in fortnite yet?" Nil asks and Cam starts the queue.

Throughout the game Nil's phone kept buzzing from all the people following her and she eventually just turned her phone off because she didn't want it to be caught in the audio in case any of the guys were recording.

After a few hours of kicking ass and a few people trading places to play, Cam decides to end his stream. Everyone's kind of just sitting in the discord lobby, playing on their phones or editing or sorting through footage and Nil decides to take a step and turn her phone back on.

"Nil your account has grown a few thousand, you might want to go set up your comment settings so people aren't assholes," John points out as he hits his vape pen.

"Thanks but I don't really check comments anyway. Let people say what they will nothing matters," She turns off the notifications for Instagram.

"Man does nothing matter to you?" Mason questions.

"Isn't that the point? Why should it. Once you figure out that nothing matters, the universe is yours." Nil says in her quiet voice.

"Do you think life has meaning?" Mason asks, trying to see if he could get her to go off.

"Do you?" She shoots back at him.

"I mean I guess, it all depends on what you can do during your lifetime." Mason shrugs.

"Life may not have meaning but isn't the point that you make your own meaning?" John asks. "Like whatever has meaning to you matters," he adds.

"Life has no meaning. Trying to find meaning is an absolute waste of time." Nil comments.

"So what you're saying is nothing matters?" Mason questions.

"Not to me. Maybe it matters for you but that's your choice." Nil answers, she didn't want to get in an argument with any of he guys.

"She's a nice nihilistic person, she's not shooting us down constantly," John points out.

"If nothing matters then why go on those walk abouts?" Mason asks.

"I enjoy them. Just because nothing matters doesn't mean I'm not gonna enjoy myself." Nil shrugs.

"I still don't think you should do that but you're right, you're in charge of your own life," Cam sighs.

"I forgot you were here you were so quiet cunt," Mason laughs and Cam joins in.

"My bad I was on the phone," Cam apologizes.

"Where's the farthest you've ended up?" John asks Nil.

"Uh would you like me to include the couple times I ended up on a plane? Or like the times I just walked,"

"Both?"

"I ended up in Canada once. In Japan another time. I've ended up in New Zealand a lot more often than the times where I stay in Australia. I think that's because I find New Zealand prettier in pictures I'm not sure. I do more often end up near a beach," Nil lists a few places as she goes through some of her pictures.

"That's fucking insane," John mumbles.

"People are calling you the female version of me because we both wear a lot of white." Cam mentions as he goes through his twitter mentions.

"It's an aesthetic, also I enjoy the color." She shrugs. "Anyway I'm going on a walk, if you need me text me, I put my number in the channel chat where only we can see it. I don't want people thinking I only fancy Cam, you guys are pretty chill. Chat later!" She disconnects and Cam sighs, not happy about the idea that she's going out alone during night time.

"Well I'll see you boys when I get demonetized and need more footage!" John says as he disconnects.

"Do you think life matters?" Mason asks quietly, Cam can tell he must be coming down from a high.

"I like to think it does, let's head to bed." Cam says and mason nods before disconnecting, Cam following.


	3. The Walk

@TheNil: not sure where I ended up this time but I'm still walking 🖤

-  
@User1: don't get too lost I'd cry without your aesthetic posts  
@User2: I'm sorry people are being assholes to you about playing with those YouTube guys  
@GoodFuyFitz: answer my texts  
@User3: ^ he's texting her boys  
~

Cameron: Are you in NZ?  
Cameron: How did you get over here?  
Cameron: The last ferry was a long ass time ago, before you even started walking.  
Cameron: You posted on Instagram.  
Nil: I guess I'm in NZ  
Nil: I got on a fishers boat and he dropped me off on a shore when he found me 🤷♀️  
Cameron: I'm coming to get you, are there any landmarks you can see?  
Nil: 🤷♀️  
Cameron: He dropped you off at a dock right?  
Nil: sure  
Cameron: Stay where you are.

Half an hour later Cameron pulled up to the docks he knew we're more popular among the fishing boats and got out of his car. He looked at her Instagram post again and started looking around for an area that's almost similar even though you can't see much from the post.

He walked the docks for a good ten minutes before spotting a girl sitting with her feet in the water.

"Nil?" Cam questions as he approaches her slowly.

She looks up at him and nods.

"Come on," he nods his head back in the direction of his car.

"Sit for a bit," she pats the dock next to her.

Cam looks at her but she's turned to look back out at the ocean so he gives in and sits next to her.

They sat quietly for a good fifteen minutes before Cam broke the silence.

"Why is it always the ocean?" He asks, referencing when she said she often ends up on a shoreline.

"Why wouldn't it be. Look at it, it's gorgeous. Close your eyes and you can hear it and smell it. You can feel it in the air when you're by an ocean." She explains with closed eyes.

"So you just really like swimming?" Cam looks over at her and she flinches.

"I can't swim," she sighs and opens her eyes again.

"What?! You were on a boat! You're telling me you regularly end up close to something that could so easily kill-" Cam starts but she stands and holds her hand out.

"I'm ready to go," she says and he sighs, taking her hand to stand.

"Oh wow you're not as short as I thought you'd be," Cam notices. He was 6'6 so usually he towers over people by a good foot but she wasn't too much shorter than him.

"Oh I'm normally 5'10. I'm wearing combat boots that have a two inch heel though," she looks down at her boots.

"Well let's go then," Cam smiles and they walk back over to his car.

They were driving for about 20 minutes in uncomfortable silence when Cam starts looking around.

"Are you hungry? I don't have any food at my place so we'll have to stop somewhere,"

"I'm fine, I have food in my bag," she points down at the small backpack she wears.

Cam nods and the car is silent again. A comfortable silence this time.

When they pulled up to his place Nil looked around.

"Are you looking for something?" Cam asks as he gets out of his car, waiting for her to get out as well.

"Just looking to see the area. It's a nice place you have, from the outside at least," she shrugs as she gets out of the car and he locks it.

"I thought you were suspicious, thinking I'd kill you or something." He laughs and she just shrugs.

"Wouldn't matter if you did," she shrugs with a chuckle. "Besides, if I really thought that I would've hopped another boat before you showed up at the dock."

"Well let's get inside and play a game or something." Cam smiles and she nods.


	4. Hanging Out

@TheNil: picture courtesy of @GoodGuyFitz, convinced him to go on a walk with me  
-  
@themasonbradford: CUNT this is why he won't answer my texts  
@User1: look at this slut coming out of nowhere and taking Cam from us  
@User2: don't be a cunt dude it's not like they're dating and it doesn't matter if they are anyway, not like you have a chance with him  
@TobyOnTheTele: looking good gurl!  
~  
"It was nice wasn't it?" Nil asks as she closes his front door behind her and follows him into his house.

"I guess so, I figured going out at that hour would not lead to weird drunk people annoying us but no one did anything so..." Cam shrugs as he sits down on his couch.

Nil plops down on the other side and kicks her legs up, "when people see others out late at night they typically leave them alone. They think we have a reason to be out so late so they won't make eye contact. Or that's what I've found at least," she leans back.

"So you do this all the time?"

"Not really all the time, I do it a lot."

"It's good exercise I guess."

"Yeah how do you think I stay so thin," she looks down at herself then over at him.

"So what do you do?"

"What do you mean? Like my job?"

"Yeah, I mean if you just get up and travel whenever you like you must have a job."

"Well I do a couple things, I'm a consultant for online security for a couple different agencies. Mainly I work as a translator though, pays high enough that I don't have to worry about working a nine to five and I don't have to worry about an actual place of work."

"How do you do that then if you don't have a place of work?"

"It's a call line, the two parties call each other and then call me, they speak to me and I translate for them. All I need is my phone."

"What languages do you translate?"

"Uh I usually get called for Korean to English but I also know Japanese. I've tried learning Mandarin a couple times but I can't get the gist of it, I might pick up French."

"So you're just really smart," Cam looks at her with an amazed look.

"Not really, I'm just decent with languages. Everyone has their strong points, just like how yours is comedy and creativity," Nil points out and Cam can't help but smile at that.

"You think I'm funny?"

"Sure. You have your moments. Everyone does. Yours are just really often," she shuts him down.

"Ouch," Cam frowns.

"I'm kidding, yeah I think you're funny. You have talent," she moves closer to him and pats his shoulder.

"Thanks I really try," he laughs.

"Well I should probably be heading back home, gotta catch a ferry or else I'll have to hijack a fishing boat." She stands and packs all her things into her backpack.

"I'll drive you to the Ferry," Cam stands and she thanks him as they head out.


	5. More Streams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've only just become aware that I don't have a way to post the pictures that I was previously posting with these chapters on Wattpad. For reference, the picture included with this chapter was a girl with long brunette hair with her hood up, facing away from the camera. Sorry for any earlier confusion!

@TheNil: this ones for everyone asking to see my face, a small reminder that it's not gonna happen 🖤  
-  
@User1: it's such a shame because I bet you're really pretty  
@User2: no one wants to see it anyway skank 🤮  
@TobyOnTheTele: come chill with me on discord?  
@TheNil: ^omw  
~

"Hey Tobes," Nil happily chirps as she connects to the room only he was in.

"Hey Nilly! Is Nilly okay?" Toby asks as he pauses Forza.

"I would say no to anyone other than you, are you busy?" Nil looks at his profile and noticed he's playing forza.

"I'm doing a chill stream, was just about to move on to watching some weird YouTube videos with the people in chat and thought you could join me," he explains.

"Sounds fun, just don't watch that cow song, it's overplayed." She chuckles.

"You couldn't be more right, though chat is now specifically asking for it," Toby reads through chat before going to donations to look at links people were sending him.

They watched quite a few different kinds of videos and somehow ended up on Minecraft parodies.

"How did we get here Sister Tobes?" Nil jokes.

"I don't know Sister Nilly, I think we made a wrong turn with the word parody." Toby laughs and Nil joins in.

Toby changes the video to some bad walk through video that had been sent in with a donation and Swagger joins the discord lobby.

"What's up guys?" Swagger asks in his typical low voice.

"You just missed the Minecraft parody," Nil giggles.

"Oh shit, good thing because I had to play one of those on beat saber the other day and I'm distancing myself from anything Minecraft related," Swagger explains with his deep laugh.

"I'm calling bullshit, I'm putting another one on right now!" Toby threatens and swagger screams.

"Mercy! Have mercy man!"

"What do you think Nil?" Toby asks.

"I say no mercy, end him." Nil states coldly.

Toby starts playing Mine Diamonds and swagger screeches and you hear him fall out of his chair. When Toby turns the song off he returns.

"You guys are fucking monsters," Swagger cusses at them.

"I try my best, isn't that right Sister Nilly," Toby says in a kawaii voice.

"You're absolutely right Sister Tobes!" Nilly responds in a kawaii voice.

"You guys could both be traps, where's Bordie? She's the real trap." Swagger comments and Toby laughs.

"She's a real girl, for all you guys know I could actually be a trap though!" Nil points out.

"Why are you up now?" Toby asks Swagger.

"It's not that late, I was gonna get some csgo footage. Wanted to pop in and see if you guys wanted to?" Swagger questions.

"I'd be down, I'm only fucking around anyway. As long as Nil's okay with it," Toby shrugs.

"I'm always down for some counterstrike," Nil agrees as they all load up the game.

They load into a lobby and start loading into a game.

"So how does love work for you?" Swagger asks.

"What do you mean?" Nil questions.

"Well I looked a bit into nihilism and I was wondering how you'd have a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever if you don't think anything matters," Swagger shrugs.

"I've never had to think about it I guess. Because I've never thought of someone like that. Nothing matters but I can choose whatever I want in my life to matter, especially since it doesn't matter and we all die in the end." Nil thinks aloud.

"That was deep," Toby mentions and Swagger nods.

"Let's fucking kill some people!" Swagger cheers as they load into the game, only to have Nil turn in game and kill Swagger. "Not me asshole!"


	6. The Hangout Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The picture previously included in this chapter is just Nil leaning against a rail hiding her face with her hand while wearing a very punk rock outfit.

@TheNil: picture courtesy of @TobyOnTheTele, finally got him on a walk with me

-  
@User1: I saw you guys on stream the other day! You guys are so cute  
@User2: are they dating?  
@User3: no I think just really good friends 🤔  
@TobyOnTheTele: stop posting while we're hanging out! I'm gonna sister steal your phone  
@TheNil: I'm Sister sorry!  
~

Nil puts her phone down giggling softly as she nudges Toby.

"Your place is pretty aesthetically pleasing, how's you come to decorate it like this?" Toby mentions, turning down the tv which they really just had on for background noise.

"Well I really enjoy plants. Other than that the only reason everything else is white is because I never got around to properly decorating. If I'm being honest the plants kind of make sure I come home." She shrugs.

"What do you mean by that?" Toby looks over at her.

"Well if I just go on a walk about and never come back who will water them? I guess that's a pretty optimistic thing for a nihilist to say huh, pretty stupid." Nil sighs and looks at one of her smaller potted plants on the desk next to her computer.

"I don't think it's stupid. They're what ground you, there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone's got something that grounds them," he nudges her again, hoping to lighten her mood.

"What grounds you?" She looks back at Toby.

"Depends on the situation I guess. There was that time Jay grounded me by singing, my sister is amazing at grounding me, my cat is cute." He shrugs after listening a few things.

"Do you think weed grounds swagger?" Nil asks with a smirk and Toby laughs.

"I don't think weed is supposed to have that effect on people, I think meat grounds swagger." He states.

"I'll accept that head cannon." She chuckles.


	7. Social Construct

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture was previously Nil holding her hair up like a ponytail while facing away from the camera.

@TheNil: I took the metro to the last stop oops

-  
@User1: she took the midnight train going anywhere  
@User2: DONT STOP  
@TobyOnTheTele: BELIEVING  
@User2: HOLD ON TO THAT FEELING  
@GoodGuyFitz: we're having a party at Ryan's come join us  
@TheNil: ^omw  
~

By the time Nil arrived to the party, most of the guys were already high.

"I'm sorry I didn't text back, my phone was kind of low and I wanted to be able to take a picture," Nil gives Cam a side hug as she enters.

"It's no problem, glad you could make it at all." He smiles and pats her head.

"Nice to meet you in person, I'm Jay. From what I've heard and seen you're the other one in the group that's really good at video games," Jay holds his hand out and she shakes it.

"I try a little bit. Nice to meet you, I'm Nil." She smiles politely and out of nowhere Mason jumps on her, giving her a hug.

"Oi it's so nice to finally put a face to your voice cunt," he cheers, quite fucked already.

"Nice to meet you too Mason," Nil gives him a small hug to get him off of her. She wasn't one for physical touching but she didn't really mind with this group of people.

"Toby is here somewhere, Ryan is over there and Sam is over there. They're our managers, also they're the ones that provided all the weed for the night. We have a couple computers set up with games and we have a discord lobby open so the assholes on the other side of the world can hang out with us too," Cam points around the room, his speech a little lower due to his weed intake.

"Want an edible?" Mason asks Nil. She shrugs and takes one of the brownies from the plate, eating it as she surveys the rest of the room. Once she finishes her edible she sits on the couch next to Toby and across from Mason and Jay who were playing some fighting game on the wii.

"How's it been?" Toby asks Nil as he vapes.

"It's been. I got a raise at my translating job." Nil shrugs and Toby offers her his vape pen, which she accepts and takes a large hit, surprising him since he didn't think she smoked.

"That's exciting! How much do you make?" Jay asks, looking away from the television, already bored of whatever game he was playin.

"45 an hour. The calls don't typically last that long but they round up for me because they like me. So even if the call is only a minute over two hours they'll pay me for three hours. It's pretty sweet," Nil shrugs and takes a long drag from Toby's vape pen before handing it back.

"That's really good money, I had no idea translators were paid so much," Ryan says.

"Typical translators get paid around 25 an hour. I'm actually in the top ten percent of translators so I could probably demand more pay if I wanted to." Nil explains.

"What the fuck?" Cams voice was filled with amazement.

"Yeah, like I said before. Once you realize nothing matters, the universe is yours." She smiles.

~

It was pretty late in the night and they were all pretty high. Nil had settled at two edibles and a handful of gummy bears but everyone else was smoking so she was surrounded in second hand smoke.

Nil had brought up that she was the only female there and they all laughed about it, saying Mason had scared off everyone else.

Jay had been low key flirting with Nil all night and the others had definitely noticed. They also noticed how chill Nil was taking everything, carefully brushing him off so she didn't hurt his feelings or anything.

Nil stood up and stretched her arms above her head, her shirt lifting and showing off her toned stomach. "I'm gonna take a small breather outside and check my emails. I'll be back in a second," she mentions as she steps towards the patio and goes outside.

"I think I'll take a breather too," Jay stands but Cam grabs his arm. "What?"

"You're the one with the blunt mate, what are you taking a breather for?" Cam motions at the blunt in Jay's hand.

"Oh, here." Jay hands him the blunt then follows Nil out back.

"That wasn't what you meant to happen, huh?" Toby asks Cam quietly and Cam frowns but hits the blunt before handing it to Mason.

Nil had taken a seat on one of the steps leading into the back yard and was checking her emails, adding new translating appointments into her calendar as Jay sat next to her.

"You taking a breather too?" She asks, not looking up from her phone.

"Yeah, didn't want you to be alone." Jay smiles gently.

"I took the breather so I could be alone but it's fine, still better than the crowd in there," she shrugs gently.

"I think you're pretty cool, your whole attitude I mean. How you view everything and your outlook on life as well, I-" Jay starts but she cuts him off.

"What are you getting at?"

"Would you want to go on a date sometime? We can do anything, we can stay home and play games if that's what you want." He looks at her with hope in his eyes.

"What would you hope to get out of a relationship with me?" Nil keeps her eyes locked with his.

"I mean.. what everyone normally wants out of a relationship I guess?"

"So love?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Then I'm not the one for you. I don't believe in love. It's just a social construct. You can do much better Jay," Nil smiles and pats his head as she stands and goes back inside.


	8. Social Construct 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture was Nil laying down on a bed with her hand covering her face.

@TheNil: picture credits to @TobyOnTheTele, caught me off guard

-  
@User1: looks like you're waking up from a fun night  
@User2: ^^^^^^^^  
@TobyOnTheTele: it's easy to take pictures of gorgeous people <3  
@User3: tbh sounds like they just slept together or something  
@GoodGuyFitz: we're eating breakfast if you guys could put your phones down and stop sending eachother memes and be part of the family  
@TheNil: Tobes were tearing the family apart  
~

Toby and Nil giggles and put their phones down. Mason and Jay were sitting across from eachother, Jay trying way to hard to pretend nothing happened while Mason was just tired and coming down at the same time. Cam sat across from Nil and Toby next to Nil. Ryan and Sam had left to go grocery shopping since they finished their breakfast early.

"So what's your plan now?" Toby asks Nil.

"Well I was planning a girls day with one of my friends so that's coming up. I can quit being a consultant. I didn't really enjoy that, I only did it because I got good pay but now I make decent pay doing the translating thing," Nil shrugs.

"You're a consultant? For what?" Jay questions, not being able to keep his eyes from her.

"Online security. There were a couple big agencies that I found my way into. Kind of a funny situation I put them in," she shrugs.

"Oh do tell," Cam pleads.

"Well, I wasn't always a consultant in cyber security, more or less I used to hack in my free time. I thought it was a good way to exercise my brain and it didn't really matter so why not. I managed to hack the entire system over at EY which is a company that prides themselves on their cyber security, and I told them I'd keep doing it unless they hired me. They weren't sure what to hire me as and then figured I could be a consultant. Now whenever they make new shit I hack it and get paid to do it as long as I tell them how to fix it," Nil explains, making everyone quiet as they listen in.

"How much do you get paid for that?" Mason asks.

"I usually charge around 85 if they're just asking basic questions but if they want me to actually hack into their stuff I charge 120 an hour." Nil takes another bread roll from the center of the table.

"And you want to quit that for a job where you only make 45 an hour?!" Mason exclaims.

"Well yeah. I can still hack if I ever need money but I've built up my savings quite a lot doing both of the jobs so I can afford to do the one I enjoy a bit more," Nil shrugs and tears a piece of her bread off, eating it.

"More power to you kween," Toby smiles and grabs himself another piece of bread.

Mason started telling bits and pieces of the Poland story to Nil since she hadn't heard it before. From time to time Cam would take over and tell a bit.

Jay was the first to leave, he had a doctors appointment scheduled. Toby was second because he had told Twitter he would stream so he wanted to get home and clean himself up before doing it. Which left Cam, Mason, and Nil. Cam ended up driving Mason home first before he decided to get fucked up again and then take Nil home.

When they arrived to drop Mason off he made a joke, calling them mom and dad. Nil laughed but Cam told him to fuck off so Mason flipped him off before getting out and going into his house, probably to sleep.

"I'm sorry about him, he's still fucked." Cam sighs as he starts driving towards Nil's house since she had given him the directions.

"I don't mind him. He's fun to be around," she shrugs with a small smile.

"What about Toby?"

"Oh I love being around Toby. He knows how to have fun."

"And Jay?" Cam voice comes out quieter.

"What about Jay?" Nil looks out the window.

"What happened with him?" He asks, almost scared of the answer.

"He confessed," she shrugs.

"And what did you say?"

"That Love is a social construct."

"Ouch... how do you figure?"

"Men and women in ancient times were drawn together for mating purposes. Being that they had to be together for enough time to make a baby, humans tried to find a deeper meaning so they created love. So love is only there because humans think it needs to be. Just like countries and money and race. All stuff that humans created to try and make sense of the world," Nil tries to explain.

"Woah okay I think I get where you're coming from with love but how are countries and money and race social constructs?"

"I guess the easiest one to explain would be a country. It exists because of human interaction, because humans have to agree on what a country is. Without that agreement it wouldn't be a country. It exists not in objective reality but as a result of human interaction."

"Then how is money a social construct? We can touch it so it has objective reality,"

"But it wouldn't exist without human interaction, you may be able to touch the paper and coins but unless the humans agree that the paper money and coins can represent and what it can be used for, it's just paper and metal discs." Nil explains, enjoying the conversation.

"I think I get it now. You're really well spoken on these topics." Cam smiles as he pulls up to her house.

"Thank you, I do try. I enjoyed this short discussion with you, we should do it again sometime?" She says in a questioning tone as she gets out of his car, looking back at him.

"Definitely," Cam smiles.


	9. Sister Luisa

@TheNil: spending the day with @LuLu, how's your day going?

-  
@User1: its sister luisa!!!!  
@User2: its so cute how you guys are wearing almost the same thing  
@TobyOnTheTele: slay kweens!  
~

"So what's the real reason you invited me to hang out today?" Lu questions as they walk down the road.

"There isn't some higher scheme behind this, it's just been a while since I've hung out with you," Nil hits her shoulder playfully.

"I wish you weren't so good at lying, makes it really hard to decide if I should push this topic or not." Lu frowns.

"I'm serious, I made some new friends and I just thought I'd make sure you knew you're still my OG friend," Nil smiles.

Lu jumps on Nil, hugging her. "You're too cute! I didn't think you were replacing me, especially not with some guys from youtube. You should know me better than that!"

"I know I know, maybe I just missed you." Nil gives her a small hug before continuing to walk.

"That's too precious, what's with those guys anyway? You met them online?" Lu turns down a street randomly and Nil follows her.

"Yeah, met them in a counterstrike game and then met their whole crew kind of," Nil shrugs.

"Whole crew? Just how many of them are there?" Lu opens the door to a small coffee shop and Nil enters.

"A lot,"

"Can you list them?"

"Are you testing my friendship?" Nil giggles and Lu nods.

"Well there's Fitz, Zuckles, TobyOnTheTele, Swagger, Kryoz, RacconEggs, Kugo, McCreamy-" Nil starts listing their usernames.

"What about their actual names?" Lu hits her shoulder gently.

"Oh, Cam, Mason, Toby, Swagger doesn't give his name out, John, Ezra-" Nil starts to list but Lu cuts her off again.

"Alright alright I get it, I called your bluff and you proved me wrong. What would you like?" She asks as they both approach the counter.

"I'll take a hot chocolate," Nil orders.

"And I'll have an iced americano," Lu adds to the order as she pulls out her wallet.

"No you're not, I've got it." Nil hands the cashier her card and then slips a 20 into the tip jar.

"You don't have to pay every time we go out," Lu smiles, thankful for her friends kindness.

"I didn't get a raise for nothing," Nil nudges her as they find a counter to sit at and wait for their drinks.

"So?" Lu raises her eye brows.

"So? I didn't say anything weird did I?" Nil looks at her questioningly.

"No, I mean which of the guys do you like,"

"Oh! None of them, you know I don't do that whole like love bullshit," Nil shrugs and Lu rolls her eyes.

"None of them make you happier to hang out with than the others?" Lu presses.

"Oh I like spending time with Toby, he doesn't conform to society norms. He's kind of like a brother I never had," Nil smiles remembering their hang out the other day.

"I don't mean in a brotherly manner, but I'm glad you got that close with someone other than me." Lu smiles.

"Jay asked me out," Nil shrugs.

"He what?! Which one is that?" Lu pulls up google so she can look him up.

"McCreamy, he's really good at games so if you just google him you'll find his channel." Nil rolls her eyes with a playful smile.

"If you're saying he's good at games he must be amazing being that you're so good at them. But I'm adding 'face' to the end of the search bar." Lu searches McCreamy Face and looked through the image results.

"Alright well?" Nil asks.

"Which one is he?" Lu puts her phone flat on the table and scrolls back to the top.

"Oh this is him, with the face mask that's got the X across it." Nil points at him.

"You turned him down?! He's gorgeous!" Lu hits her side.

"That's Cam, I don't know why he showed up in this search result though," Nil points to a picture of Cam as the barista brings their drinks over., "thank you, have a good day." Nil smiles at her.

"This is Cam? The one in the green shirt with stripes there?" Lu asks.

"Yeah, hes like 6'6 I know, he looks really tall." Nil sips her hot chocolate.

"Tall? He's fucking beautiful mate! I can't believe you don't like any of these guys," Lu shakes her head as she closes her phone and sips her iced drink.

"Are you done looking at them?" Nil looks over at her friend.

"Maybe... Might do some more researching later," Lu shrugs with a smirk.

"Back to walking?" Nil smiles and Lu nods as they get up with their drinks and return to walking with no destination in mind.


	10. Sleep Deprived

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture was Nil at a generic coffee shop laying her head against the table.

@TheNil: Photo credit to @GoodGuyFitz, I guess I just didn't sleep

-  
@User1: Oh so now you're going on dates with him  
@User2: ^where does it say it's a date??????  
@TobyOnTheTele: you need your beauty sleep kween!  
@User3: everyones losing their shit over you, you aint that special  
@TheNil: Tobes I was up late sharing memes with you!  
@TobyOnTheTele: Sister oops  
~

Nil shakes her head with a small laugh and puts her phone down on the table between Cam and her.

"You've gotten pretty popular on instagram, I'm surprised you still haven't bothered with your settings for comments and what not." Cam shakes his head at her.

"There's no point. People will say what they want to say, who am I to censor them," She shrugs.

"Wanna explain how you ended up in front of my house yet?" Cam raises his eye brows.

Nil nods as she sits her hot chocolate. "I was walking and I got lost and then I saw your house so I thought I'd say hi."

"How often do you consider yourself lost?" Cam frowns as he sips his coffee.

"All the time, everyone is lost just some people are more comfortable with it than others," She shrugs.

"I had some errands to run today if you want to go back to my place and hang out or come with I don't mind," Cam offers and she nods.

"I'll come with you," she stands and they walk to the door.

"Are you sure? It's mainly stuff for me nothing fun," he frowns but she hits his arm softly.

"The fun would be hanging out with you idiot." She smiles and starts walking to his car, leaving him with a small blush.

Their first stop was for some new shoes which Cam quickly realized was great to do with Nil since she had good fashion sense. Usually he goes shopping with Toby but Toby was catching up on his sleep from his late streams.

They left the shoe store with a couple new pairs of shoes that Nil swore had good support and were comfortable and Cam decided they looked good, there were no cons, only pros.

The next stop was to pick up Cam's favorite winter coat that he had gotten dry cleaned after the trip to Poland but had never made his way back to pick it up, he only made it back today because they threatened to throw it away. He would need it for some trips coming up anyway since it getting cold out.

Then they made their way to a small clothes store where Nil picked out some very aesthetically pleasing white shirts for Cam. She did manage to get one in with a small cactus over the pocket area and another shirt with a small design of waves over the chest for him which he only said yes to so she would smile.

The next stop was the post office so Cam could pick up some mail and send some. After that the last stop was the store to get some groceries.

"I can drop you back off at home, I know grocery shopping isn't fun." Cam offers.

"No it's fine, I'm having a good time why would I want to cut it short?" She smiles.

"There's no going back this time, you're officially a prisoner of Fitz errands," Cam laughs and she joins in as he parks in front of the market.

They may have fucked around in the store more than actual shopping. By the time they actually left the store it was late in the night and Nil pointed out that time passes quicker when you're in a market and Cam just accepted it without further questions.

By the time they got back to Cam's place it was almost 11.

"If you bring the bags in I'll unpack?" Nil offers as she grabs a few bags to bring in.

"Sounds like a plan," Cam smiles as he unlocks his front door and she goes straight to the kitchen to unpack the first few bags they had brought in.

Cam makes a few trips bringing in bags of groceries and answering any questions she had as to where stuff went, surprised at how fast she was getting stuff put away in a house that wasn't hers. His last trip he carried in 7 bags and helped her put them away.

"It's weird having someone help me do this," Cam admits as he puts his cereal boxes above his fridge.

"How so?" Nil asks as she puts apples in the fruit bowl that he had on his counter.

"I'm just not used to having people in my house I guess, usually I'm the one going over to their house." He shrugs as he puts the empty grocery bags in his recycle bin.

"I thought you were gonna say it felt like we were a couple or something, I guess I see your point though. I don't really go shopping that often because I don't really make home made meals. I'm bad at that," She smiles as she sits on his counter, having finished putting everything away.

Cam chokes a bit when she mentions it feels like they're a couple but smiles at her, "Do you just eat out a lot?"

"No I just kind of do small snack stuff a lot instead of full meals for like lunch and dinner." She shrugs.

"That's not that healthy is it?" Cam asks and she shrugs.

"It's basically what Swagger does except his small snacks include only meat and veg." Nil points out.

"I guess you're right," Cam nods and looks at the time. "Oh shit it's like 1130, the ferry's don't run this late."

"Don't worry about it, I'll hop some ships."

"I rather you don't since you can't swim."

"What would you prefer then?"

"You can stay here for the night, I'll give you my room." Cam offers in a quiet voice.

"I can sleep on the couch, I'm the guest anyway." Nil looks over at the couch. It wouldn't be uncomfortable or anything, it was a decently sized couch.

"You're the guest so you can sleep in the actual bed. I'm fine on the couch. I have to be up a bit anyway because I have to edit some." Cam points out and Nil sighs.

"Fine, do you have something I can borrow to sleep in? A large shirt would be fine," Nil says as she gets off the counter and follows Cam to his room.

Cam pulls one of his baggy shirts from his closet and hands it to her, "Are you sure you don't want some sweat pants as well or something?"

"I have some spandex shorts in my bag, thank you Cam." She smiles up at him and he rubs the back of his neck shrugging.

"Just looking out for you, I'll be in my office if you need anything else." He pats her head softly before leaving to his office to get some editing done.


	11. Fighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture is just Nil sitting in a chair covering her face.

@TheNil: picture creds to @GoodGuyFitz, thanks for letting me steal some food

-  
@User1: have you been with him for like two days now?  
@User2: steal me some food too 😩  
@User3: you stole his food and my uwu's  
@Lulu: 😏😏😏  
@TheNil: don't say anything you nasty  
@Lulu: I didn't say anything 😏  
~

Nil: can you stop by my house and water the plants in my room, I won't be home for a bit but they should've been watered last night  
Lu: where were you last night?  
Nil: New Zealand  
Lu: why? Is that where Cam is?  
Nil: that is where he happens to be yes  
Lu: did you hook up?!  
Nil: will you water my plants?  
Lu: yes now answer my question!!!!!

Nil planned on answering but Cam knocked on the door.

"Occupied!" Nil yells out.

"I know it's occupied ya cunt I'm the one that let you in I was just letting you know I made lunch," Cam laughs before going back downstairs.

Nil hops out of bed and messes with her hair a bit before heading out to join him.

"Oh the sleeping beauty awakens!" He cheers as he slides her plate towards her.

"I didn't sleep as long as you did, remember falling off the couch because I slammed your door open?" Nil smirks at him and sits at the table.

"You scared me, I was in dream land." He defends.

"Well next time I steal your bed for the night I'll make sure to knock peacefully on the door before opening it," She chuckles as she takes a bite of the chicken he had cooked.

"I hope you like it, I'm not the best at cooking. I usually order take out but since you said you don't really do home made meals I figured I'd make you one." Cam explains.

"Thank you, that's very sweet of you. And it's delicious," Nil smiles at him as she takes a bite of a potato.

Cam couldn't help but feel pride as she enjoyed his cooking but that feeling was quickly replaced with worry as he noticed a large bruise on her arm.

"Fucking hell, where did you get that?" Cam asks taking her arm carefully into his.

"Ow don't touch it cunt, it's fresh." Nil pulls her arm back.

"How fresh?" Cam questions.

"I got it yesterday," she shrugs.

"I didn't see it?" Cam thinks back, knowing he didn't see it at all yesterday.

"Oh I have delayed bruising. It takes a day or two for bruises to show sometimes ." She explains thinking nothing of it.

"How did you get it?" Cam locks eyes with her.

"Someone tried to take me last night, it's not that serious though I'm fine," Nil immediately feels bad that she didn't tell him earlier.

"What?! Do you know who it was? Did you call the police?" Cam asks, anger and worry showing through in his voice.

"No I came here instead..." Nil responds in a quiet voice.

"Oh my fucking... Nil! You could have been seriously hurt!" Cam raises his voice.

"But I wasn't! I've been hurt worst in the past. It doesn't matter anyway," Nil turns away from him a bit, hoping to end the conversation.

"It does matter, maybe not to to but it does to me. Please don't do on walks so late at night," Cam asks, his voice softening a bit.

"No. The whole point of those walks is that I do them when I feel like it. Some asshole trying to hurt me isn't going to change how I live my life." She looks up at Cam defiantly.

"I don't want you going on these walks at night, not alone. You live pretty close to Toby and definitely closer to Mason than me. Both of them will go on walks with you and I will whenever I can, but I don't want you going alone." He all but begs.

"Who the hell do you think you are? I've gone on these walks for almost ten years now. Not only can I protect myself but I know how to stay out of trouble."

"Obviously not if you're still getting hurt!" Cam yells.

"It's but a rare occurrence." Nil replies calmly.

"But it still happened!" He counters.

"Why do you care so much?" She asks.

"Because I like you!" Cam yells out, Nil's Head immediately snapped up to look at him. "I like you, and I care about you. And if you got seriously injured I don't know what I would do with myself. I probably wouldn't even hear about it unless you reached out to me." Cams voice is quiet, laced with worry.

Nil stood and started walking to his front door.

"Where are you going?" Cam stands quickly.

"Home. I need to make sure my plants got watered." Nil says, her voice soft and had a hint of an emotion that Cam couldn't pick up.

"I can drive you to the ferry station," Cam offers, reaching for his keys.

"No." Nil declines and his hand falls to his side. "I need some space to think right now Cam... I..." her voice cracks a bit.

"Are you okay?" He asks in a soft voice.

"I want to turn you down like I did Jay but... I can't. I can't find it in me. So please just let me have some time to think about stuff," she looks at him and he can see her eyes filled with tears.

"Hey please don't cry, let me drive you to the ferry. I won't say anything else I promise," Cam says and Nil thinks for a few seconds before nodding her head.

They quietly make their way to his car and he drives to the Ferry station, dropping her off in front of the entrance. She offers him a gentle smile before going into the office get a ticket for the next ferry.


	12. Optimistic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture is two girls with their backs facing the camera while walking into a tunnel.

@TheNil: photo curtesy of @TobyOnTheTele, glad I got to spend some time with him and @Lulu tonight, much needed

-  
@User1: hanging out with sister Toby and sister Lu  
@User2: hope you're feeling better!  
@Lulu: we're so cute!  
@TobyOnTheTele: ^I agree!  
~

"Where do you want to go now?" Nil asks out loud.

"I need to be getting home soon, I have an exam tomorrow to study for." Lu frowns.

"That's fine, we can all head home soon. One more stop?" Toby asks as they get in his car.

"Of course, lets go get some coffee!" Lu cheers.

"And hot cocoa!" Nil adds with a cheer.

They all sing along to music loudly as they drive towards Lu and Nil's favorite cafe which they had introduced Toby to that morning when they met up.

As they walked in they noticed it was the same barista and Nil immediately ordered her normal hot cocoa. Toby and Lu ordered as well and as usual, Nil paid and slid a 20 into the tip jar but this time she slid two 20's since she knew the barista had been working all day.

They make their way to a small table and lounge around it playing on their phones.

"What happened the other day? You never talked about it and you said you would," Lu points out and Nil gives her a death glare.

"What happened the other day?" Toby asks.

"I don't know, she told me she'd tell me later and it's been like a week. Basically she asked me to go water her plants because she wouldn't be home to do it because she spent the night with that Fitz guy and I didn't mind since I live down the street but when I got there later she was home and crying." Lu explains.

"Did Cam do something to hurt you? I'll try my best to beat him up for you," Toby offers and Nil can't help but smile at that. Toby can't help but realize that Cam had been acting pretty distant these past few days.

"No he didn't. I promise," Nil smiles at them.

"You were crying though! I've never seen you cry before, you don't care about anything enough for that." Lu points out.

"I don't know if he'd want me to say anything," Nil looks down at her hands.

"Here are your drinks," The barista brings their drinks over to them.

"Oh you didn't have to bring them to us again," Nil smiles softly at the barista.

"It's the least I can do, your tips are always what help me between paychecks. Thank you for helping me out," The barista thanks her and then quickly runs back to behind the counter.

"Why wouldn't he want you to tell anyone?" Toby asks.

"He told me he liked me," Nil looks down at her hot cocoa.

"Didn't you just turn him down? Like you did with that Jay guy," Lu questions.

"I couldn't... I wanted to but..." Nil thinks out loud.

"You like him don't you?" Toby looks at her with a serious look.

Nil couldn't even look up from her hot cocoa, Lu and Toby took that as her answer.

"So what happens now?" Lu asks.

"What do you mean?" Toby looks over at Lu.

"Well she turned down Jay because she doesn't believe in love, but if she couldn't turn down Cam..." Lu starts.

"What kind of nihilist would you be if you fell in love?" Toby finishes.

"An optimistic one..." Nil shrugs.

"So you should tell him," Lu nudges her.

"I couldn't," Nil frowns.

"Why not?" Toby furrows his eye brows.

"Nothing against Cam but the whole dating thing doesn't seem right for me," She explains and Lu hits her shoulder.

"You'll never know until you try!" Lu exclaims.

"He could do better, maybe someone that actually believes in love." Nil rolls her eyes.

"Don't say that, you're an amazing catch. Any guy would be lucky to have you and Cam knows that." Toby ruffles her hair.

"I'll think about it..." Nil smiles gently.

"You've been thinking about it for like a week! Cam has probably been stressed out of his mind waiting to hear something from you!" Lu exclaims.

"I'll... I'll text him then." Nil pulls out her phone.

Nil: Hey Cam  
Cam: I haven't heard from you in so long, I was worried sick. Are you okay? I know I texted a few times but you said you wanted time to think so I didn't want to invade your space or anything.

"What is he saying?" Toby asks, scooting forward to look at Nil's phone.

"Shhh," Lu nudges him as Nil texts him back.

Nil: I was thinking...  
Cam: I'm so sorry if I was over stepping I really didn't want to scare you off just you got injured and I got so worried. I had no business telling you what to do.  
Nil: Cam  
Cam: I promise it won't happen again, and if you want to just pretend it didn't happen I can do that, whatever you want  
Nil: Is that what you want?  
Cam: Is it what you want?  
Nil: It doesn't matter to me  
Nil: You know that  
Cam: I know that but I wanted to make sure you were okay and stuff and honestly whatever happens now is up to you  
Nil: If you want to pretend nothing happened we can do that  
Cam: Is that what you want?  
Nil: If that's what you want to do  
Cam: Alright

Nil puts her phone down and looks up at Toby and Lu. Lu can immediately see the texts hit Nil harder than she wants to let on and gives her a big hug, Toby quickly joins.

"You should just tell him, he's just trying to not over step the boundaries again." Lu whispers and Toby nods.

"I've known that man my whole life and I can promise he's just trying to make sure he doesn't hurt you." He explains.

"He was the one that brought up acting like it didn't happen so that's what we'll do. Everything will go back to the way it was." Nil forces a small smile onto her face.


	13. It All Falls Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture is of two girls hanging off of a fence.

@TheNil: how @LuLu and I creep on the guys when they offer coffee and hot cocoa

-  
@Lulu: you got that right! What an old photo too!  
@TheNil: I know! Sorry I never posted it I forgot it existed!  
@User1: it's too hot for hot cocoa  
@TheNil: ^ignored  
@User2: hot cocoa is perfect for any time of the year!  
@TheNil: ^agreed  
~

"Could you stop fucking around on your phones while we're hanging out ya cunts," Mason throws a pillow at Lu and Nil with a laugh.

"Sorry sorry, forgot to post yesterday." Nil shrugs and puts her phone away.

"And she tagged me so of course I had to go see what it was!" Lu defends herself and throws the pillow back at Mason.

"Should we order more food?" Cams voice comes from the kitchen where he was most likely attacking some left overs from earlier.

"If you're still hungry," Mason calls back.

"Not really but we're running low and if anyone else is then we should just order more so everyone can have some," Cam explains as he comes back into the room. Nil and him lock eyes but immediately look away from eachother. It had been almost a month since he confessed and three weeks since Nil's failed confession and it hadn't been super awkward but everyone could tell something was up.

"I might get hungry later but we can worry about that when it happens," Lu smiles, trying to keep the conversation going.

Mason had invited the crew over to hang out and Cam had been flown into town for an interview with a news company so he dropped by.

"Wanna play more games? Or should we watch some tele?" Jay asks as he grabs the remote.

"Toby on the tele?" Nil jokes and everyone laughs.

"We could probably find a movie or something on. Just channel surf for a bit," Mason offers and Jay nods as he starts flipping through the channels. He pauses for a second on a local news channel and raises his eye brows at the fire on the screen. Some idiots had been doing fireworks and set their house on fire which in turn set their neighbors house on fire and now it looked like half of the block was on fire. He shakes his head at the idiocy of some people then switches the channel but jumps a bit when Nil stands up abruptly.

"Go back," she demands and he switches back to the news station.

"Why? It's not that interesting-" Jay starts but Nil is already out the front door and in her car. Lu jumps up to follow her but Mason grabs her arm.

"What the fuck?" His face is covered in confusion.

"That's our neighborhood!" Lu yells and pulls her arm away running out to her car. The other guys quickly follow but Mason doesn't have a car so they all hop in Cam's car and follow Lu.

By the time they arrive in the neighborhood they see Lu being held back by someone in front of a house that was engulfed in flames. They all hop out of the car and run over to her, looking for Nil.

"Where's Nil?" Jay asks but he's cut off by Cam bumping into him as he runs towards the house that was engulfed, only for him to be tackled by a pedestrian.

"You can't go in there you fucking idiot! You'll die!" The civilian yells at Cam but he continues to struggle.

Out of nowhere one of the windows explodes and the scream that came from Lu didn't sound human. Jay and Mason take her from the person that was holding her back and try to calm her down.

"Someone explain something! Fucking anything!" Mason yells.

"She's in there! She ran in! I couldn't stop her!" Lu manages out between sobs.

"Let go of me you fucking asshole I have to get her out!" Cam wrestles with the person that was holding him down.

Another window in the house pops causing another scream come from Lu but it's covered by a third window breaking and Nil jumping out of it. She rolls a bit and sits up quickly examining the thing in her arms. Cam throws the person on him off, not caring if he actually hurt him as he rushes over to Nil. Mason, Jay, and Lu quickly follow.

"What are you thinking?! Are you okay?!" Lu asks falling to her knees and looking over Nil.

"I got it, it's safe," Nil coughs out, tears running down her face.

"You ran back in your house for a fucking plant?" Mason asks and Nil just nods, hugging the small potted succulent to her chest.

"You're covered in soot, can you breathe alright?" Lu asks and Nil shakes her head, her breathes coming in short.

"Medic! We need a medic over here!" Jay calls out towards the huge medical staff that were in the street waiting for survivors to be brought to them. One of them quickly makes his way over to them.

Cam can't say anything but he kneels next to Nil and puts his hand on her shoulder causing her to look up at him, "Would you like me to hold it for you? While the medical team looks at your wounds." He offers in a gentle voice. Nil can't even speak as more tears pour down her cheeks she hands the small succulent over to him as the doctor starts asking her questions.

After a few minutes she's taken away to an ambulance so they can give her an oxygen tank and Cam carefully brushes some ashes off of the leaves and out of the dirt.

"Why would she run back into her house for some dumb plant?" Mason asks.

"That's the succulent her mom left her when she died. If I remember correctly it's also the only belonging she took with her besides her phone and some clothes when her father sent her away from home. So I don't think it's just some dumb plant to her," Lu frowns and wipes the tears from her face, still worried about her friend.

Cam opens his mouth to say something but his phone goes off telling him he's received a text. He pulls it out and quickly opens it when he sees it's from Nil.

Nil: Please take care of my succulent for me  
Cam: what? What do you mean?

"Did she come back over here?" The doctor runs over to them.

"Who?" Jay asks.

"The girl I just brought from over here, I put her in the ambulance and left for two seconds to grab a clean oxygen mask but she disappeared." The doctor explains.

"She what?!" Lu yells and quickly starts looking around.

"She didn't come this way, we didn't see her." Mason yells the doctor and he nods going back towards the ambulances to help others.

"Well if you see her tell her to get some bed rest," he instructs as he leaves.

"Where did she go?" Lu's voice cracks, tears starting to build up again.

"She told me to take care of it," Cam manages out, his voice cracking a bit.

"Oh no," Lu says as she grabs Cam's phone looking at the messages, "she's gone."

"What do you mean?" Jay looks from Lu to Cam.

"She left." Lu breaks into tears again.


	14. Resurfacing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture is Nil sitting in a chair with her back to the camera while smoking.

@TheNil: tragedy is a vision of nihilism, a heroic or ennobling vision of nihilism

-  
@Lulu: it's been 2 months...  
@User1: why haven't you been posting?  
@User2: you hung out with those youtubers that post once every once in a while so I guess now you take after them  
@TobyOnTheTele: I miss you <\3  
@GoodGuyFitz: I know you see the snapchat every day but your succulent is doing well  
@User3: why are they all talking like they haven't seen her? Did something happen?  
@themccreamy: I miss having a buddy that was as good as games as me, come play with us again sometime?  
~

Nil scrolls through the comments, almost regretting no turning the comments off. She wanted to let them know she was okay but now she was realizing how much she missed them.

"Are you okay up there?" Her newest friend, Michelle called from the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah I'm good, just smoking." Nil calls back.

"I saw you posted, are you okay?" Michelle asks, coming into the room where Nil was sitting.

"Yeah no I'm fine. Really. I just wanted to let them know I was still alive you know?" Nil smiles weakly.

"Want to go for a walk?" Michelle holds her hand out, knowing that would get her in a better mood. Nil doesn't even answer, just takes her hand and leads her out as they start their walk.

Michelle knew very little about what actually happened but she knew not to push Nil too much or she'd just shut her out. Today she wasn't going to hold back.

"So why did you pick Seattle?" Michelle asks as they turn down a well lit street.

"I knew someone here who I could trust," Nil shrugs.

"Oh really? Is it that Kugo guy you always hang out with?" She looks over at Nil.

"Yeah, he's part of the group of friends I used to be in but he's definitely a bit more distant from the group. I didn't know him very well but we had talked on occasion and bounced ideas off of each other and I knew he was a good person. I guess me showing up on his doorstep after leaving everything behind and him just taking me in proves it." Nil explains.

"What started the fire?" Michelle asks as they turn down another street.

"Some of the kids were playing with fireworks and they set one house on fire and all the houses were pretty close to each other so it spread easily," Nil frowns.

"So because your house burn down and you lost everything you left all your friends behind and moved to the other side of the world?"

"I didn't come on this walk to be judged,"

"I'm not judging you, I'm just trying to understand the situation better I guess. I mean I get you're a nihilist and like nothing matters to you but you seem to care at least a little bit about your friends back home," Michelle points out.

"How do you figure?"

"Well you miss them a lot which should be enough to prove it but you also posted on Instagram literally just to let them know you were alive. I mean they knew you were alive, or that one that sends you Snapchat's every day does at least. But you went out of your way to show them you were okay, that should be enough proof that you care."

"I guess I do care about them..."

"What does that one snapchat you everyday for anyway?"

"He sends me a picture of my succulent that I left in his care to show me it's okay. I'm really glad he does, it's kept me going for a while."

"A succulent? I thought you said everything burned."

"Everything did burn, except for that. I would've left it with Lu but for some reason I felt safer leaving it with him..."

"What's so special about it? Does it have magical powers?"

"No nothing like that, it was the only present I every received from my late mother. I never really got along with my father and when my mother passed I took on her role of taking care of her beautiful garden. When she had been alive she taught me how to take care of it but I didn't have the best green thumb so she gave me that succulent and told me it was easier to take care of. She told me to talk to it whenever I had problems and it would listen as long as I took care of it. Shortly after her death my father couldn't stand to see me because I looked like her and I guess me taking care of the garden didn't help so he bought me a one way ticket and told me to never return. The only thing I brought with me was a few changes of clothes and the succulent. It's lasted all these years because I don't want to let my mother down, you know?" Nil pours her heart out.

"Wow... I had no idea." Michelle's voice was soft.

"It doesn't matter though, once I die the succulent will die. As long as I outlive it I don't have to feel guilty for it." Nil quickly covers her emotions and smiles.


	15. Messages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture is a silhouette of a girl while a plane passes overhead.

@TheNil: picture credits to @KugoTheMighty and moral support from @MissMichelle because she tried to take this picture and dropped my phone so then we had to wait half an hour for the next plane

-  
@User1: oh my god are you in Seattle?!  
@TheNil: 🤷♀️ maybe  
@MissMichelle: I didn't break your phone that's all that matters  
@TobyOnTheTele: the kween returns!  
@LuLu: 💙💙💙  
~

Later that day Nil figured she should probably clean out her text messages as well. She didn't want to ignore everyone and she knew she was already past the point of apologizing.

She was surprised she didn't have a bunch of spam messages like she expected. But she smiled at how long and meaningful the ones she had were.

Lu: I miss you like a sister would, Cam isn't doing well with the thought that you hate him or something but I've told him that can't be possible if you left your most treasured possession in his arms. I don't know if you know this but the day you ran into that house he fought someone trying to run in after you. We cracked a joke about it saying his aesthetically white shirt would have been ruined but he broke down and said if he'd just gotten in he could've helped you save more of your plants. Get back to us when you feel better none of us are mad at you

Cam: I wasn't sure how often to water this baby so I brought it to that plant shop not too far from your house and asked the professional guy there, I hope that's okay with you I just want to make sure it stays in good health

Jay: the idiot kids who set off the fireworks went around and cleaned everyone's house, Lu did some investigating and you're still paying for your house so she went in an Did a deep cleaning so it's ready for you to move back in, back to your aesthetic white everything. Cam has been filling it with plants and we all take turns going to water them. Lu told us about your mother's garden and we tried our best to kind of make it the same but we know it'll never compare.

Cam: I don't want you to think I didn't take care of you succulent today I cracked my phone camera but I'm going out right now to buy a new phone I'll send you a picture when I get home

Jay: I just wanted you to know we had to physically hold Cam back from running out of the house to go buy a plane ticket to Seattle the second he saw your post

Toby: I thought I'd send you some pictures of how gorgeous your house has become but then I figured it should be a surprise for when you come home. But that's not me saying you need to come home now, no one would force you to do that. I miss watching weird videos with you, maybe we can do it again sometime?

Mason: I'm not good with words cunt but I miss you and I hope you're doing okay. I jokingly said it's good you're gone because now I'm the best besides Jay and only Lu laughed so hurry up and come home so you can kick my ass in fortnite and shit

Nil smiles sadly as she reads through all the messages, missing her friends more than usual.

"Nil, I'm home!" She hears Kugo call from the entrance.

"I made some dinner," Nil stands and starts making two plates for them to eat.

"Oh you didn't have to," Kugo smiles as he puts away various groceries that he had picked up on his way home from his work out.

"You always say that but you took me in and you taught me how to so I'll make the best of it," She hands him his plate and sits at the table.

"I thought when you made that post I would get some dirty messages because I never said anything about you this whole time," Kugo says as he cuts his chicken. "But all I've received is a thank you from an unknown number and just the word 'cunt' from Mason." Kugo chuckles and Nil laughs.

"That's extremely like him. The thank you is probably from Lu." Nil smiles softly as she eats.

"They seem to care a lot about you, have you talked to any of them?"

"Not yet."


	16. Planned And Executed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture is two girls covering their faces while posing on an escalator.

@TheNil: @MissMichelle took me out to make me feel better

-  
@User1: you really are in Seattle! If I run into you can I get a picture with you?  
@TheNil: if you can find me 🤷♀️  
@User2: be safe! It's a lot more dangerous here than where you're from 💜  
@TobyOnTheTele: I spy some kweens!  
@MissMichelle: you're the kween here Toby!  
~

Kugo and Michelle were sitting on the couch watching tv while Nil was sitting out back doing a translation call.

"Has she talked to you?" Michelle looks over at Nil, making sure she couldn't hear them.

"Yeah, she hasn't talked to them yet. I'm worried about her," he frowns as he turns the tv up to mask their conversation.

"Should we buy her a ticket back?"

"She wouldn't take it, she barely let's me buy groceries let alone cook anymore. She'd have to be the one to buy it."

"She won't..."

"Maybe... no." Kugo cuts himself short.

"No come on let's brainstorm," Michelle nudges him.

"What if we go to some convention, there are a few gaming ones coming up that I'm sure I could convince the guys to come to. It won't be too obvious since it'll be here in the US," he offers and Michelle furrows her brows thinking.

"That... might just work? We have to try."

"It's set, Uh I'll have to look online and I'll get in touch with the guys." Kugo puts his fist out and Michelle fist bumps him.

"Glad to see you two are bonding, what did I miss?" Nil asks as she comes inside and plops down on the couch next to Michelle.

"Nothing much, they arrested that suspect guy and they've been questioning him this whole time," Kugo gives a short run back of the show.

"Actually I meant what did I miss between you two," Nil chuckles.

"Oh Kugo asked me out and I said we could both pretend like nothing happened so we first bumped," Michelle covers quickly and Kugo laughs, shortly being joined by Michelle and Nil.

It wasn't until later that night that Kugo got on his computer and did some research.

To Cam, Toby, Mason, Jay, and Lu  
Kugo: hey so there's this gaming convention in New York in a few weeks  
Lu: oh no  
Kugo: I can probably convince her to come with me, saying I don't want to leave her alone or whatever  
Cam: which convention?  
Kugo: (attached link)  
Jay: I'm too high to follow this conversation???  
Mason: me too cunt  
Cam: I got the tickets, Lu I got you one too. I'm looking at air fare now  
Toby: cam don't go and buy everyone's air plane tickets too, that's expensive we can buy our own  
Jay: I already have a plane ticket for that con, I'm flying out early for it because some game magazine wanted to interview me before hand  
Kugo: so it's set?  
Lu: is she coming?  
Kugo: I'll keep you updated

"What are you doing up?" Nil yawns from the office doorway. Kugo quickly locks his phone and looks at his computer.

"I could ask you the same thing," Kugo smiles at her as he makes a point to be reading info on his computer.

"Whatcha lookin at?" She steps behind his chair and looks at the screen.

"Oh I got some newsletter telling me about this gaming convention in New York. I honestly don't know how I've missed it until now but it looks pretty interesting," he opens up the schedule looking through the panels, hoping to catch her interest.

"How big is it?" Nil sits down in the spare chair that he kept in his office for her.

"Not that big, which is great. I can only handle so many big conventions a year."

"So you're going?"

"Yeah, wanna come with me?" Kugo looks over at her with a smile.

"I don't know..."

"Come on, it'll be a nice break from stuff. Not to mention I don't exactly trust you here alone," he jokingly nudges her and she rolls her eyes.

"Fine text me the info I'll buy my own tickets."

"Too late I already bought them for us."

"Kugo! I told you I don't want you spending money on me that much, let me cover the air fare then."

"Bought those tickets already too, were flying business class on air Seattle." Kugo laughs as Nil hits him with a pillow from the couch.


	17. Conventions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nil finally does a face reveal, her face claim is Son Chae-young (member of Twice). Chose her era where she has long brunette hair.

@TheNil: I'll be at the gaming convention here in New York for the next few days so this is my face since I'm bound to get recognized sooner or later

-  
@User1: I knew you were pretty!!!  
@TobyOnTheTele: a kween!  
@User2: 10/10 would Tap  
@User3: ^🤢🤮 Nil when she looks at you  
@TheNil: ^you're right 🖤  
@LuLu: I'm so proud!  
~

"Are you ready?" Nil calls throwing a pillow at the bathroom door.

"Yeah yeah, sorry we can't all look good the second we wake up." Kugo laughs as he comes out the bathroom, wiping his face with a towel.

They both packed their small bags with various things they might need and started their walk towards the convention center. They had decided on a hotel a few blocks from the center so fans wouldn't mob them and follow them back.

Nil knew something was up because Kugo had been acting guilty but she looked over all the famous attendees that announced they would be there and none of the crew would be there. Or they just hadn't announced it. She was anxious but it had been a while since she'd been to a convention so she tried to ignore her nerves.

She hadn't built up the courage to face them yet. Maybe LuLu and Toby, but Cam? Definitely not yet.

A few fans had approached for Kugo when they got in front of the convention center but when they realized that Nil was there they wanted a picture with her too. She even signed a few people's passes.

"You seem a little amazed?" Kugo looks over at Nil as they check in with the desk before heading into the show floor.

"I really didn't think I was that popular. Definitely not popular enough for people to want my signature," Nil shrugs.

"Didn't you hit one million subs on your Instagram the other week?" He jokes and she laughs.

"Okay I guess you're right. Come on let's find some computers and kick ass," She looks at the map and quickly leads them to a section that was closed off with 10 computers in two rows of 5, obviously set up for team games.

"Excuse me, aren't you Kugo?" One of the workers from behind the line asks.

"Oh yeah that's me," He nods.

"We were just about to open the line for people to play up on the big screen, if you and your friend want to play." The worker points towards the stage where 10 other computers with counterstrike loaded up were.

"We'd love to," Kugo replies and Nil nods.

"Great just go up and pick whatever computers you like we're gonna make an announcement about the little competition we're having," the guy pulls the chord up, letting Nil and Kugo back stage so they could go up.

"Excuse me ladies and gents and anything in between, if you look to the stage we have 10 computers setup for some competitive counter strike, however, we have a different game mode today. You have 10 lives and once you lose those 10 lives you're out. Whoever lives for the longest amount of time at the end of each day wins a 100$ gift card and is entered into a raffle to win a full gaming set up!" The guy announces but Kugo and Nil aren't listening.

"It's all vs all, wanna team?" Kugo asks.

"I don't think we're allowed to but if I see you I'll pretend I didn't," Nil smiles and they shake hands.

After about an hour Kugo let's himself die because he got bored. "Nil I'm gonna run to the food area, would you like anything?"

"No thank you, I'll finish up in a few minutes or so and meet up with you." Nil smiles at him and he nods.

After another half hour Nil gives up and starts to wander the floor.

"Nil?" Her heart stops when she hears the familiar voice.

"Jay, uh..." Nil slowly turns, not really prepared to face him but more worried there were others with him.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he quickly pulls her into a hug and she can't help but hug him back. She hears a few people start whispering around them and Jay takes her hand, leading her behind some curtains that said media only.

"Who else is here?" Nil immediately asks, her nerves crawling up on her.

"I came by myself. I've been here since Tuesday because I had an interview with a game magazine," Jay explains. Nil doesn't believe him but she looks down at the ground, avoiding his eyes.

"I'm sorry..." she whispers out.

"What? No! You don't have anything to be sorry for," Jay starts panicking, thinking she's gonna start crying.

"I shouldn't have just disappeared like that I'm so sorry, I just realized some things and needed to distance myself, still do." She adds.

"What did you realize?" Jay puts his hands on her shoulders, hoping to calm her down.

"I don't want to talk about it." She sighs.


	18. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture is from the baseball shoot (if you know it).

@TheNil: catch me dressing up for the second day of a gaming convention photo creds @KugoTheMighty

-  
@User1: you're so pretty!  
@LuLu: remember that time we twinned with that jacket?  
@TheNil: ^yes!  
@LuLu: I miss you ❤️  
@User2: damn you're really pretty, how have none of the crew dated you yet  
@User3: maybe she got an ugly personality?  
~

"Kugooooo!" Nil yells as she runs over to him.

"Nilllllllll!" He yells back, neither of them caring if people around them looked at them weird or not. It was a convention, who would judge you there?

It was nearing the end of the second day and Cam and crew were just waiting for the right moment to come out of hiding. They had actually ended up in the same hotel as Kugo and Nil but they made sure they never ran into each other.

They knew from Jay's retelling of what happened yesterday that she would probably run if she saw the others in a big group. They had decided Toby and Lu would be the next ones to 'bump' into her.

"How are you enjoying it?" Kugo asks as they start walking towards a panel.

"I'm having a great time. I think this is exactly what I needed, thank you so much," she gives him a short side hug.

"Is that who I think it is?" Toby asks as Nil and Kugo walk by.

"Toby?!" Nil jumps up, hugging him.

"Is that Nil?!" Lu yells and runs up hugging her from behind so it was a Nil sandwich.

They hug each other for a solid minute before they let go, Nil has a couple tears running down her cheeks so she wipes them away and smiles at them.

"I've missed you guys so much," she smiles at them.

"We've missed you too," Lu gives her another small hug.

"You're looking as gorgeous as ever," Toby compliments her.

"Please tell me he isn't here," Nil whispers.

"He isn't," Lu lies perfectly and Nil nods.

"I don't have enough time or words to apologize for what I've done to you guys. I'm so sorry," Nil starts but Toby cuts her off.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, a lot of shit happened and you needed a break. We all need breaks sometimes," Toby's eyes only showed genuine care.

"Thank you," Nil smiles, all tears gone from her face.

"Did we interrupt you guys heading somewhere?" Lu asks looking over at Kugo.

"We were heading to a panel actually but we were only going to waste time, do you guys have anything planned?" Kugo asks, even though Nil knew he wanted to go to it.

"We haven't walked the floor yet, well we did a little but then Lu wanted some fresh air," Toby shrugs.

"If you want to go to the panel I can walk them through the floor?" Nil offers to Kugo.

"Is that okay?" He asks and Nil nods.

"Now hurry, before you lose your chance to get a good seat." Nil turns him around and pushes him in the direction of the panel.

"So you ran to Kugo?" Lu asks and Toby nudges her giving her a warning look and she just rolls her eyes, knowing Nil would be fine with a little prodding.

"Well to be honest, I didn't mean to. I took the first flight out of Australia and it just happened to be to Seattle. During the flight I did some research on small apartments or whatever but then I remembers Kugo lives there so I kind of just showed up on his doorstep." She explains as they walk back towards the floor.

"And when do I get to meet Michelle?!" Lu exclaims.

"She's here actually, well not here here. She doesn't like conventions, she's visiting a college nearby looking at their art programs." Nil pulls out her phone checking the time, "she'll actually be joining Kugo and I later for dinner if you'd like to join us. Well probably go drinking after as well. But not like drinking drinking."

"You seem a lot more talkative," Toby notices.

"Yeah I see it too." Lu agrees.

"I don't know what you guys mean," Nil looks over at them.

"I'm sure it's nothing major, you just... seem like you're walking with a lot of weight on your shoulders but you're trying to cover it." Lu frowns.

"Okay Lu you might be majoring in psychology but you know I hate when you start using it on me," Nil pushes her playfully and Lu shakes her head with a laugh.

"I'm sorry I just worry about you," Lu pushes her back.

"Now let's find some games to fuck around with!" Toby yells and they all cheer.


	19. Drinks Or Cookies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a generic picture of Nil smiling.

@TheNil: had a great second day, was so nice to see @LuLu and @TobyOnTheTele again now we're off to celebrate 🎉

-  
@User1: celebrate what?  
@User2: obviously their friendship  
@TobyOnTheTele: friendship is magic!  
@LuLu: ^why do I get the vibe that you say that but you've actually watched the show  
@User3: it was a good show, with creeps didn't ruin the community for everyone  
@TheNil: why are ponies being discussed on my post?  
~

"So how did she convince you not to tell us she was there?" Toby asks Kugo.

They had been eating at a small diner pretty far from the convention center, hoping to not run into any fans. Lu and Michelle got along amazingly and were wrapped up in their own conversation while Nil, Kugo, and Toby caught up.

"She was crying when she asked, I couldn't say no." Kugo shrugs and Toby nods.

"Why are we still talking about me?" Nil raises her eye brows.

"Because we all think you're interesting," Toby points out and Kugo agrees.

"Excuse me, this is for you." Their waiter lays a hot chocolate down in front of Nil.

"I didn't order this? Did you guys?" Nil looks around the table with confusion.

"Oh no ma'am, a man came in and ordered it for you then left." The waiter turns to go.

"What did he look like?" Nil asks, nerves creeping up on her again.

"He had kind of scruffy hair," the waiter turns back.

"Was he tall?"

"No ma'am."

"Thank you," Nil smiles at him and he nods before finally leaving.

Kugo looked at Toby and Toby smirked knowing Cam had done the right thing sending in Mason instead. They quickly wipe the smirks off and put on confused looks.

"That's so weird, usually it's alcoholic drinks that are bought for pretty girls," Toby thinks out loud.

"It's just weird because I love hog chocolate so if some dude was making random guesses then he was pretty lucky," Nil shrugs before sipping her hot chocolate, immediately smiling at the familiar taste of it.

"What's so great about hot chocolate?" Michelle asks.

"Isn't that another thing your mom left with you?" Lu asks.

"Kind of, usually you drink warm tea as like a lounging drink in South Korea but my mom always preferred hot chocolate. She said it kept her blood sugar high." Nil shrugs. "I guess it just stuck with me."

"I have something similar with my mom, she always made the best little sugar cookies. Whenever I used to visit she would make them because I could never figure it out. But whenever I go someplace that has sugar cookies now I have to try them. So far I haven't found a single place that makes them as well as my mom," Michelle shrugs.

"Oh I'm really good at baking, do you have the recipe?" Lu asks.

"Yeah! She left it in her will actually, that's how proud of it she was." Michelle laughs softly.

"I have a proposition," Nil speaks up and everyone turns to her.

"What if, instead of going drinking tonight, we rent an air bnb just for the oven and attempt to make some famous sugar cookies?" She proposes.

"I'm down," Toby smiles.

"I need some carbs but if you make me eat more than like 3 cookies you're helping me work off the carbs when we get home." Kugo warns Nil.

"I love you guys already, you're such good people." Michelle smiles at them and they all laugh.

"If only you could see some of us in game," Toby chuckles.

When the check comes Nil quickly picks it up, not letting the others even chip in. She did however let them all chip in for the tip, which ended up being 100$ since each of them left a 20.

They did end up making Kugo eat more than three cookies but he didn't say anything because by the fifth cookie, Michelle was crying because they tasted exactly like her mother's cookies.


	20. Double Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture of Chaeyoung(Nil) from airport so comfortable clothes.

@TheNil: I'm ready for the final day of the convention, who else is?

-  
@User1: I can't believe I missed this one 😩  
@User2: ^ikr I got a picture with her you're missing out  
@TobyOnTheTele: I got a picture with her too  
@MissMichelle: me three!  
@LuLu: me four!!!  
@themccreamy: wtf she told me no pictures  
@TheNil: 🤗  
~

A good amount of the different booths on the floor had already cleaned up and left. Mainly because they had work on Monday that they didn't want to be tired for but also because some of them were from distant countries so the flight back alone would make them late for work on Monday.

Nil didn't mind this and most people didn't. It just meant it was less packed and the ones that did stay were usually the bigger companies. Toby hung out around the twitch booth for a while and Michelle actually joined him since she had been wanting to get into streaming.

Lu had given Michelle her badge so she was out on the town for the day, shopping. It was her first time in New York and she planned on getting all the latest fashions.

Nil had ended up back at the original csgo gaming booth that she hung out at on the first day. Kugo had planned on joining her but he had to make sure Cam was okay with the plan so he told her he had to take an important phone call and that he would join her later.

It had been around an hour and Kugo was just talking with Cam right outside of the entrance doors. It had been a while since they hung out so they had some catching up to do and they lost track of time.

"Have you seen Kugo? He's about this tall and has dark brown hair," they jump when they head Nil's voice asking someone where he was.

"Fuck hide," Kugo shoves Cam behind a potted tree and pulls his phone out pretending to be on a call.

"Yeah he stepped out into the hall," an unknown voice says and the door opens, showing an almost shaking Nil with tears in her eyes.

"Hey mom I have to go," Kugo says into his phone before shoving it into his pocket, "what's wrong?"

"Uh I just... some fan came up to me just now and said they saw Cam earlier and if they saw Cam and I they asked if they could get a picture with us together and-" Nil starts but her voice cracks.

"Hey calm down, breathe with me okay." Kugo puts his hands on her shoulders. "So what if Cam is here?"

"I can't see him, now right now." Nil's voice is quiet but Cam can hear it.

"Why not? You were fine seeing Toby and Lu again, and you put up with Jay." He furrows his brows.

"I'm not strong enough," she whispers out.

"Bullshit, you're one of the strongest people I know." Kugo smiles gently hoping to lighten the mood but she frowns and looks down at the ground.

"I'm scared," she manages out.

"Of what?"

"Caring, I was raised a nihilist. I adapted to that lifestyle. I've never been a very good one but nothing mattered to me so nothing bothered me. My father kicking me out, didn't bother me. Giving me just enough money for one meal and a one way ticket, didn't bother me. Turning Jay down? Didn't bother me," Nil's voice cracks. "But I couldn't turn Cam down! When he said he liked me I immediately wanted to say the same shit I said to Jay l, 'love is a social construct' but I couldn't. It felt wrong. And I ran, because I didn't know how to deal with it and I'm sure that hurt him but I was more concerned with myself at that point,"

"He isn't mad at you if that's what you think," Kugo assures her.

"You know I almost confessed back? That I almost said to him 'yeah maybe you matter to me'? But he brought up how sorry he was and that we could pretend it didn't happen so I figured if that's what he wants then we'll do that. And then my fucking house burned down and the one thing that grounded me to this cold, forsaken world almost burned, and I didn't even take it with me! I left it with him because... because I trusted he would take care of it. And he has. I don't even think he's left it's side," Nil thinks about all the pictures of her precious succulent and Kugo nods, knowing that Cam brought it with him everywhere. Even now as he hides behind the tree a few feet behind him, the succulent was back at the hotel room.

"I've lived my whole life with nothing mattering to me and he comes along and he matters," Nils voice is weak, tears streaming down her face. " and I don't have the strength to face that. To realize that maybe stuff in this world does matter, maybe some shit isn't a social construct or maybe it is but I won't mind it. I don't even know anymore,"

"Nil," Kugo try's to interrupt her.

"But I'm not strong enough. And I won't be. I can't be," she pulls her glasses off wiping her tears but they're still falling.

"Do you like Cam?" Kugo asks.

"Like? I'm in love with him, and I won't admit it to myself." Her voice is hoarse.

"Oh Fitz, I'm such a huge fan could I get a picture with you?" A random person says as they walk by, noticing cam behind the plant.

Nil freezes as she watches Cam step out from behind the plant and immediately curses herself for not noticing him. He was wearing the white shirt with the wave pattern on it that she had chosen for him and he looked at her with genuine care in his eyes but it didn't stop her from bolting.

-

"Hi Id like to buy a ticket, as soon as possible. Prices don't matter too much,"

"Okay ma'am, and where will you be flying?"

"Australia."


	21. The Optimistic Nihilist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture is Chaeyoung(Nil) with a short pixie cut sitting in her backyard.

@TheNil: I'm tired

-  
Comments have been disabled for this post  
~

Lu: Hey Cam, can you go water the plants today?

Cam: why can't you? Not that I won't I'm in town anyway.

Lu: there have been cars coming and going every few hours which could mean a couple things  
Lu: either she's home and she's ordering food so she doesn't have to leave the house and risk running into one of us  
Lu: or someone is squatting in the house and I'm scared of the latter

Cam: how long has this been going on?

Lu: since we got back from NY 4 days ago

Cam: and you didn't think to tell me? Did you go water the plants a couple days ago?

Lu: no I asked mason to do it, he also said he didn't see anyone in the house though

Cam: I'm on my way 🤨

Cam left Ryan's house, chuckling a little as he passed the wall with all the spray paint on it. Ryan didn't even mention trying to cover it up and Mason was proud of it.

When he finally arrived at Nil's house he sat in his car staring at it. He looked down at the little succulent that he had been planning on returning to her house but every time he brought it he couldn't help but leave with it.

He sat it on his desk and Toby joked that it made up the oxygen that Cam wastes being stupid and they both laughed but it only made him miss Nil more. He lifted the small plant and walked to the door, unlocking it with the key that Lu had given him and anyone else that said they would help water the plants. Cam found himself doing it a lot more often these days but he also found himself in Australia a lot more than he usually would be.

"Hello?" He calls out into the empty house, being greeted with silence.

"Look I might be talking to myself right now but on the off chance that I'm not I'm gonna explain a couple things," he sighs as he makes his way to the desk they set up in the middle of the living room and places the small succulent on it.

"This house belongs to someone extremely special to me, to her friends. It almost burned down a few months ago and she ran away because she lost all of her plants and I'm sure you can see that we've tried our best to replace them on the off chance that she might come back." He grabs the watering can and starts watering the plants that needed to be watered. Usually they kept a chart but he did it so often he knew which ones needed it and which ones didn't.

"There's no special belongings in here besides the plants because we haven't replaced anything else and we don't plan to unless she comes back. I don't know if maybe you were looking for something but I'll give you money if you leave. I don't have a lot of cash on my right now," Cam turns and starts watering the plants in the kitchen area. "But I can make a run the bank that's near here and take some money out. I just ask that you don't wreck anything in here, we've spent a really long time growing some of these plants and the vines especially were a pain."

He enters into what used to be her bedroom and starts watering the plants in there. The house was silent so he figured he was talking to himself. But it felt nice to get shit off his chest so he kept going.

"I'd like to say she means the most to me but I don't think I can take that position since she has a couple friends who she considers siblings. But I can say I love her in a different manner than they do, if that makes sense." He opens the blinds, letting the sunlight warm up the plants. "I'm in love with her, and I miss her. And I just want the house to be ready for her when she comes back," Cam turns to exit the bedroom but jumps a bit and drops the watering can.

Sitting in front of the small desk with her succulent was Nil.

"You know, I much prefer you coming to see if there's people here. When Mason came he just kind of opened every door and screamed 'cunt where are you I know you're in here' which was funny at first but I think he genuinely thought someone was hiding behind every closed door," she says in a soft voice then looks up at Cam.

"You cut your hair," he says, not wanting to move in fear that she might run again.

"And bleached it a bit. Do you like it?" She locks eyes with him and he nods.

"Thank you for taking care of it, you've done such a good job." She looks back down to her succulent.

Cam just nods, still standing in the same spot.

"Did you mean what you said?" Her eyes don't move from her succulent.

"When?"

"Just now, your little monologue."

"Every word of it," Cam says in a gentle voice.

"I don't think anything matters. I never considered myself an optimistic nihilist either. But in this world you can choose what matters. And of all the things in this cold, unforgiving, uncaring universe, I'd like to designate you as something that matters above everything," she stands and looks over at him.

"Nil," Cam's voice comes out softer than he meant but she heard him.

"Yes?"

"Will you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?" He asks, he could feel the anxiety clawing at him.

Nil walks over until she's standing in front of him.

"Lean down a bit I have a secret to tell you," she smiles softly and he leans down a bit but she leans up on her toes and kisses him. It was a slow and soft and passionate kiss and they both felt like nothing else existed in the world.

But it was interrupted by the front door swinging open and a familiar voice yelling, "Oi cunt! Where are you!"


	22. Relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture is another one of Chaeyoung(Nil) with short hair.

@GoodGuyFitz: I know I've dropped hints but this is my official announcement, @TheNil and I have been dating for almost half a year now and I honestly could not be happier. I want to apologize for keeping it from you guys but I felt like both her and I needed an adjustment period before we became public. I know how this stuff usually goes down with other famous people and I just want to make it known that if I see anyone commenting hate on any of our profiles I will be blocking the account, not that Nil cares but for my sanity. The only ones allowed to talk shit about her are me and our friends. I want to thank everyone that has been supportive so far and I want to thank everyone that will be supportive in the future

-  
@User1: finally! I knew someone from the group was gonna wife her up  
@User2: he hasn't wifed her up yet^  
@GoodGuyFitz: ^🤷🏻♂️  
@LuLu: my baby is growing up!  
@MissMichelle: I'm buying a ticket to come visit you fuck heads  
@TheNil: text me and I'll send you your ticket 🖤  
@themasonbradford: has anyone talked about how scarring it is to see your mom and dad kiss because I'll never be the same  
@User3: this comment section is a mess  
@User4: I stan a power couple  
@themccreamy: I know I said this before when you first announced it to us but I'll say it again, if you hurt her I'll kill you 💙  
@TobyOnTheTele: ^me too ❤️  
@LuLu: me three <3  
@MissMichelle: me four 💜  
@GoodGuyFitz: why do you guys put the hearts after your threats, it makes your threats not scary at all 🤷🏻♂️  
~

After a couple months of their relationship Nil had decided to move in with Cam. She would always end up on walks that lead her to his house anyway so might as well cut out the extra trip. She took all her plants with her and she was worried that Cam would be upset but he welcomed them, saying it livened the place.

She set up a desk for her work and gaming right next to his and they had a small connected between them where they kept the succulent from her mother.

The fans were all extremely excited when they finally announced they were dating, especially since there had been a lot of rumors. They had noticed Fitz putting out more videos and when he streamed he would always start laughing randomly for no reason. For a while people brushed that off saying Mason was probably there and making jokes but if that was the case then why wouldn't he just come on camera? The theories didn't end there but for time sake let's not think about the stans. It only fuels them.

On their one year anniversary, which also happened to fall on a day of twitch con, Cam proposed to Nil in the middle of one of their meet ups and of course she said yes. The screaming of the fans that surrounded them could be heard from miles away.


End file.
